Her Name is Legaci

AshleeMy world suddenly felt very small, it was so hard to breathe, I couldn’t even cry!  What am I going to do?!  Was my only thought… Over and Over again! My divorce still was not final, Cadynce was asking me to move back home, I was adopting Beau all alone, Kevin was literally packing his stuff and moving out while I was at work taking a pregnancy test. It was POSITIVE. I was pregnant. I kept saying “Worst timing ever”!!  I was in shock, mad & confused!  Anyone that truly knows me knows that I do not support abortion, but that was the only way to fix this problem. I felt like I was alone and already dealing with SO MUCH! I called Planned Parenthood and they informed me of my options and even told me I could set up a payment plan if I couldn’t afford the full amount. Make payments on my dead baby? That I just chose to kill?  Reality set in quickly… As I was signing my name Ashlee Pickering at the doctor’s office all I could feel was shame; signing my husband’s name and pregnant by my boyfriend… Who was I anymore? What had my life become? The nurse called me back to draw my blood.  As soon as I sat down I began to literally weep!   All I could do was shake my head “no” when she asked me if I was alright.  She held my hands and said “Honey, look at me.. God don’t give you anything you can’t handle. Now it’s your body, and it’s your choice what you do with it, but God has chosen you to be this baby’s momma and everyday I regret making an innocent baby pay for my mistake. You are stronger than you feel right now.  Give this to God and He will work it out.” I’m not going to lie, the anger and confusion that consumed me didn’t go away.  I already suffered from depression and anger; I had been haunted by suicidal thoughts since I was 10 years old.  My entire pregnancy I fought getting up and living life every morning… Kevin and I were constantly battling.. I lived in doubt and chaos for nine whole months.  Everything that could go wrong went wrong, my mind was constantly busy and my body was exhausted. But somewhere inside of me, I knew there had to be a reason for what I was going through.. That one day it would all make sense and I THANK GOD THAT HIS WORDS ARE TRUE!! He held onto me as I pushed through… He has forgiven me, delivered me, and He has restored my soul! He strengthens me daily! His unconditional LOVE has given me LIFE! I’m so thankful I know Jesus and He Loves Me… My name is Ashlee, I am a Christian and a proud Mommy of 3! I am happy to be Alive! All is Well & because Jesus lives I Am Free! ‪#‎GodIsReal‬ ‪#‎JesusSaves‬ ‪#‎ProLife‬ ‪#‎HeWillMakeAWay‬ ‪#‎TrustHim

Contributing Blog Author:  Ashlee Danielle

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