“It’s just going to be so hard this weekend Kris. I’m alone for the first time in 30 years. Everyone else has plans and things to do, but not me.” That was a text I got on Thursday prior to Memorial Day weekend. For those of us who are single, it’s easy to dread the holidays. To get this false idea in our heads that everyone in the world has plans and adventures, except us. Social media doesn’t help our loneliness as we scroll and see families and friends on amazing adventures, making memorable moments. If we are not careful, we quickly slip into the “poor me” pity party mode.
I had planned to spend my Saturday lying by the pool or catching up on things I had neglected, but I heard her cry and I suggested lunch. While we sat in the restaurant tears flowed as she told how she still loved him. Didn’t understand why this had to happen? Why he left for someone else? What was wrong with her? And that’s when God told me to share… share how I used to have those feelings of being worthless. To share with her how that first couple of months alone the devil wanted to whisper in my ear that I’d never find anyone to love me again. My time for love had passed and I was now destined to be alone. To question and wonder what I’d do if I needed a man’s help. Would I die alone? But then I shared how in my desperation, crying out in the middle of my small apartment floor, God showed up. His grace and mercy covered me in a sweet kindness that left my soul in a state of peace. How when I started reading his word and discovering how he sees me “fearfully and wonderfully made”, I started to heal. As I sought God with my whole heart he removed the fear and doubt from my mind. He brought me friends who are there for me and while I am not married or even in a relationship, I no longer fear being alone. God is always with me and he has sent amazing friends to also be his hands and feet. I shared with her how you have to change your mind and quit dwelling on the “why”, why did this happen, why am I not good enough? And instead focus on the “what next?!?” And get excited about the “What Next”! Spend time alone with the Lord. And make a list of the things you want in a man and start to pray over those. Give your desires to God. And in his perfect timing, when he knows it’s time, he will bring you the one. Until then, keep God first and center of your life. I hope I reached her. I hope something I said gave her hope for another day.
I also advised her to turn off the social media over the holidays. What you don’t see can’t hurt you. If looking at others on vacation hurts, why do we torture ourselves!?!? We can simply lay the phone down and turn the social media off. And if you are one who is single and lonely, I highly suggest you do put the phone down, pick yourself up, ask yourself this question: “Who else do I know that may be hurting today? Who has recently lost a loved one or is a single parent? Who may be struggling financially? Who can I reach out to today and bless??” Find the answer to those questions – reach out and bless someone – and watch the “poor me” blues go away. Our joy comes from the Lord and in doing his will.
I feel like I am supposed to share this story for some of you single ladies out there. A couple of months ago in one of my lonely moments God sent someone with this word for me: “I see something shiny and bright in your future. Maybe a relationship? But something so amazing and bright that everyone will know it’s of the Lord. Maybe like Rebekah or even bigger, like the woman in Solomon’s temple? But God has something in store for you.” I went home and looked up Rebekah in the bible. She is mentioned in Genesis Chapter 24. As I read this chapter I found such a peace. It was confirmation of what God has been whispering to my heart the last three years… “You go do what I’ve called you to do. And then, in MY timing, I will bring you the one.” We read in Genesis Chapter 24 that Abraham wanted a wife for his son Isaac. As I read that chapter that day, here’s what God revealed to me:
Abraham says in verse 6: An angel will go ahead of you, and he will see to it that you find a wife for my son. (Reminder that God is at work in the lives of those who serve him.)
In verse 12 – 14 the servant prays to God for a sign, so he knows he has chosen the right wife for Isaac. He said “When I ask for a drink, let her say she will water my camels too.” (We can still ask God today to guide us and reveal his will to us.)
Verse 15: Before the servant was even done praying, he saw Rebekah coming to draw water. Rebekah had a servant’s heart. She not only drew water for the servant, but said “Let me draw water for your camels too”. Rebekah had physical beauty, but the servant was looking for a sign of inner beauty. Appearance is important to us, but how much time do we spend on our inner beauty? Patience, kindness and joy are beauty treatments help us become truly lovely – on the inside. Seeing Rebekah work, the servant knew she had a servant’s heart.
Verse 25 the servant states: “The Lord has shown unfailing love and faithfulness to my master, for he has led me straight to my master’s relatives.” (God will align our steps and manifest divine appointments if we are seeking HIS will and not our own.)
Verse 47: The servant put a gold ring in her nose and bracelets on her wrist. Verse 67: And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother. (One day she’s drawing water as a servant girl. In an instant, God moved and her life changed and she was marrying the son of Abraham. A wealthy man and the father of many nations. God can and will move that quickly in our lives.)
This story should get you single ladies excited! Like Rebekah we need to focus on God’s will for our lives. What can we do to have a servant’s heart? How can we go above and beyond today to make a difference? And then one day, out of the blue, while you are seeking God and serving him, your steps will be aligned. There will be an appointed meeting. And just like Rebekah, in an instant, your life will change! You will find yourself in the middle of an amazing relationship that God has had planned for you all along. Trust him ladies. Trust in his timing and his will.
When you sit and focus on the clock and on your timing it’s just like a slow day at work where there’s nothing to do. Time seems to stand still. It drags and you think you will never find the one. But when you get busy doing God’s work the time flies. You accomplish great things for the kingdom. And before you know it, you look up and it’s time for the reward and the blessing of a job well done. Stay focused ladies! Stay strong! Don’t settle and throw off the “poor me” pity parties and get excited about what the Lord will do! He has your Boaz and just like he’s helping you grow and mature and be ready for that relationship, he’s working on your partner too. Trust him.