It’s been a minute since I’ve written much of anything.
I know that writing is a gift God gave me (it surely isn’t singing!)
I enjoy writing. And when I was writing, people were responding. Not to me, but to Jesus.
What happened, why did I stop writing and using that gift?
It’s what happens to each and every one of us if we are not careful …
It’s called “distraction”, that age old trick of the enemy.
If the devil can’t defeat us (get us to outright sin) he will distract us.
The distractions often come in the form of “good things” – but they are not always “God things”.
God says he wants us to love him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Today our love for Him is in too much competition with social media, information overloads, jobs, monetary treasures, and schedules that are entirely too hectic. It should be convicting when we compare the time we spend and give to God in the course of our day. He’s the one who gave us the day to begin with.
In a world where companies try to do more with less, my mind was no longer my own from 6am – 6pm (and much longer many days). I hold a management position that requires long days with constant emails flooding in of people who need something from me RIGHT NOW. 200+ emails a day most days. Before one is answered, 5 more come in. Humans were NOT designed to receive this much information. It produces stress and anxiety, and for me, feelings of failure. No matter how hard I work, the list of requests only grows larger… it never ends. And the pace is so fast that there isn’t time to think of my family, my friends, or God. I know that much of this is due to my wiring – I’m a perfectionist with hints of AD/HD and while that drives me to accomplish a lot, it also takes a physical and spiritual toll. I get so focused at work that I put my head down at 6am and look up at 6pm and most days I’m lucky if I even took a lunch. If I stay, I’m going to have to learn to take breaks, to leave after 9 hours, to let the chips fall where they may… but my goal is not to stay long….
Why don’t you just leave? The question friends and family ask, and one I ask myself often. Well, like many Americans, I incurred debt over the past few years. Debt that I am digging out of, but not quite there yet. Debt that requires me to make the level of income that I currently do. My dad used to say, “If you can’t pay cash for it, you don’t need it.” Oh how I wish I had listened to him all those years ago. My life would be so much different. I could walk away from this job, today. And I would. But I am a prisoner to the debt I have incurred. You see that’s the thing about being a Christian. God doesn’t just make all our problems go away, but He helps guide us through them and learn a valuable lesson in the process. I have regret – thousands of dollars of “stuff” sold at yard sales, given away, and if that money had instead been in the bank, well, I would not be stuck. I have to own that God didn’t do this to me, I made these bad choices with money through the years, BUT He is the reason I have hope! He has provided me a wonderful Women’s Ministry and the knowledge of what truly matters in life – and he’s with me as I navigate and chart a course toward a more simplistic life of service to others.
I know what my true calling is, what it’s always been, and it’s to help others. Children and Women who have experienced Trauma. In 2021 during COVID I signed up for the first class to be a Certified Trauma and Resilience Practitioner and I never finished the class. It wasn’t that it didn’t still interest me. It wasn’t that it was no longer the dream God put in my heart. It was the distractions ….. Work picked back up at a pace exceeding pre-Covid numbers. I was working long days and trying to manage a marriage, family, friends, ministry and job. The class stopped….. the writing stopped….. the stress ensued.
In November it was discovered that I had a mass on my right kidney. I was having no pain, no real symptoms, it was God who led me to the diagnosis. A few years prior I was speaking at an Aglow Women’s Meeting. They prayed over me before I spoke. One lady said to me “Are you having problems in your liver?” I said “No, not that I’m aware of.” She said “I just kept hearing “liver”… “Tell her I’ll be with her in the liver”… she went on to say “I don’t know what that means, but if anything ever happens with your liver, God’s got you!” 4 years later I started to have some bloating and a bit of pain in my abdomen, but nothing major in the big scheme of things. I shared with my nurse practitioner what I just shared with you and asked “Will you please check my liver?” She is a Christian and she agreed. Sure enough, there was a spot on my liver, but it appeared to be totally benign. But as they looked at the liver, they found the mass on the Kidney. And of course it wasn’t just a normal mass, it was a “rare one” that required review before a tumor board, multiple consultations and tests…. I sit here today 5 days Post Op from a kidney removal and can’t thank God enough for HIS hand in every detail! Prayer warriors arose across the county and God heard! Everything went better than anyone even expected. That’s my God! Could he have removed the tumor? Absolutely He could have! Miracles of complete and total healing still happen every day. But what if he had? What if the last scan showed “It’s completely gone!” I would have had an amazing testimony to share of how God is still alive and well and at work in our lives. And I’m not going to lie, I wanted that! I wanted it to deeply touch the hearts of those I love who have not yet given their lives to Christ. But who’s to say he’s not working a bigger miracle out right now in mine? In fact, I believe He is! He’s got my time and attention. How many times I have said “I just wish I had the time to get up every morning and spend time with God reading the word and praying at a slow, meaningful pace with a cup of coffee. Well, now I have that time. How many times have I said, “Oh I wish I could get this training finished so I could help others.” Well, now I have the time. God’s ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts. He can take every situation that appears to be “bad” and turn it out for His good (and yours) if you love him, and let him.
I am a woman who goes non-stop from the time my shoes hit the ground at 5am until I stop at 10, 11, midnight. God has slowed me down. He is calling me to rest in Him and to transition from a Martha to a Mary, learning to sit at his feet and absorb what truly matters. As I mentioned, we are on day 5 and I’m still in information detox … learning to “Be Still” and connect with God in a powerful way once again.
I’ve started the Trauma and Resilience classes again. I know God has called me to write to you – to encourage you – and I know he has called me to be a light and source of hope for hurting children and women. I don’t know how that will lead to in regard to employment – There are no jobs lined up – Who knows where I’ll work or what that will even look like – I just know that sometimes, all we have to do is listen to that nudging and take that first step in complete and total Faith KNOWING that God is who he says He is, and He’ll do what he says He will do. And he’s told me in Romans 8:28 – Kris, I’m going to work ALL things out for your good because you love me! And I’ve called you and given you a purpose. While I may not know where this is leading, He does. And he’s already there, waiting.
Tomorrow I will start digging in the bible again and sharing with you daily what God has laid on my heart through his word. How about you? Won’t you slow down, put the phone down, and seek Him daily with me?